For Connor

2013-10-11 10.42.11

Time goes so quickly, my little man. You’ve grown before my very eyes; it only seems like yesterday when you were a pink and squidgy mass of blonde hair, tiny fingers and toes, and one hell of a scream on you.

Even before you could walk or talk you were a character, a big man in a tiny little body, full of energy and attitude. You didn’t need words to make yourself understood – just one look said it all….

I saw your first steps, heard your first words and changed more of your dirty nappies than you can ever imagine. For someone so small, you could fill a nappy full of poop like no one’s business, the smell of your offerings beyond belief.

Our bond has only grown stronger with time. When you fall over and skin your knee I can’t bear to see you cry. I’d do everything in my power to stop you from being hurt in the future yet I know that I can never do that.

You’ll skin your knees, bump your head and whole lot more beside. But you know what? I’ll ALWAYS be there to dry your tears, tell you a stupid joke to make you smile and then offer to go beat the crap out of whatever or whoever hurt you.

But it’s not only the skinned knees and bumps on your head that you have to look out for. When you get older you’ll find that one part of you will hurt more than any other.

Your heart.

People will treat you badly, they’ll hurt you with their words and actions and yes, some girl is probably going to come along and break your heart. I wish more than anything for that not to be true, but it’s a fact of life that none of us can avoid.

Just as I dried your tears as a child, I’ll dry your tears no matter how old you get. When things go wrong and you feel like you’ll never be good enough, remember that you have a whole family around you who love you for who you are.

No matter what happens, what you do, who you are or where you go, you’ll always be in my heart and mind and I’ll protect and support you as if you were my own. I’ll be there on your first day at school, I’ll vet your first girlfriend and give her the third degree about her intentions toward you. I’ll be there to celebrate every birthday with you, every landmark in your life as you grow from a boy and into a fine young man. Hell, I’ll even buy you your first beer and commiserate you on your first hangover.

Never take crap from anyone. Don’t listen to the words of people who want nothing more than to bring you down to their level. Never forget that you are precious and loved. You’re not different, you’re unique and that’s why I love you like you were my own. If anyone puts you down then you just come to me and I’ll tell you just how special you are.

You and your sister deserve nothing but happiness and if I could have only one wish it is that neither of you would ever experience pain like I have. That’s why I’ll always be here for both of you – no matter what.

When you need a safe place to stay, I’m here. When you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here. When you celebrate your victories, I’m here. Whenever you need a friend, I’m here. For as long as I live, I will love and protect both of you as if you were my own; I will shield you from pain and shower you with love. Your childhood should be a time of happiness and joy, not fear and sorrow, and I will do everything I can to never let you feel the pain, loneliness and desolation that I did as a child.

So happy birthday, little man. I love you.

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13 Comments

Filed under Starting out

13 responses to “For Connor

  1. Deb

    This is a beautiful letter to your son. So touching and heartfelt. He’s a lucky young man! Happy Birthday to him!!

    • Thanks, Deb. Connor isn’t my son but he is my nephew (of sorts). It’s a complicated story, but I treat him and his sister as if they were my own children. They are both very special to me and this post was my way of showing Connor how special he is to me.

  2. Have this framed for Connor. It will be something he’ll treasure as years go by. ❤

  3. Hi Heather. It’s beautiful how you are so passionate about your nephew. Are you going to let him read this once he’s older? I pray the best for him, my friend.
    🙂

    • I am planning to write a similar letter to Molly and have them both framed so that they can put them on their bedroom walls. I took the kids out to an animal park today and when Connor asked who he loved he immediately pointed at me and smiled.

      Both Connor and Molly are an absolute joy to be with and I treasure the time that I get to spend with them. They will always be an important part of my life even if/when I have children of my own.

      • Very sweet Heather. They’re so blessed to have an aunt like you.
        🙂

      • I’m very blessed to have them in my life too. Connor in particular has a very close bond with me and will cling to me each time I see him. There’s something so pure about the love of a child and I know that he loves me unconditionally, just as I do him ❤

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