Fit For A Queen


“Right, who’s next on the list?”

I checked the list of interviewees and looked at the headmaster, “An F. Mercury.”

“Pity he’s not applying for a job in the science department,” Barry smirked, laughing at his own joke.

I ignored him and instructed our next candidate to enter the room. His appearance took me by surprise.

Standing in front of me was a muscular man with jet black hair and the most perfectly coiffed moustache I’d ever seen. Most candidates had enough sense to wear a suit to interview, yet the man before us stood in nothing but a faded pair of ripped jeans and a tight white vest that clung to his muscular chest. The part I found hardest to accept was the item in his hands. It looked as if he were carrying a microphone on a thin metal rod.

I stared at him for a number of moments until I regained enough sense to realise that I was meant to be interviewing him.

“Please take a seat, Mr Mercury. How are you today?”

He looked at me then strutted toward the seat I offered him, prancing as if he were on a stage.

“If I’m being honest, I’m feeling a little under pressure,” he replied, before adding, “Badda, badda, ehhhhhh-ohhhh!”

He looked expectantly at me, as if he wanted me to repeat what he’d just said.

Flustered, I tried to regain my composure. “What makes you think that you’re well suited to this role?”

He gave me a toothy grin. “Well, it’s been a hard life and for it I have one vision. Being a school teacher is a kind of magic and even when you feel you’re going slightly mad, well, I guess the show must go on.”

His answer left me flummoxed. I opened my mouth to respond when he shot from the chair and strutted like a peacock around the room.

“When you’re looking for a breakthrough, there isn’t any time for innuendo. Rather like some fat bottomed girls, I’d teach the students about this crazy little thing called love. Because, you know, I’m a good old-fashioned lover boy. And all kids love to play the game, don’t they?”

“Um, Mr Mercury. You do realise this is an interview for the role of a music teacher?”

He looked at me with mirth in his eyes. “Of course, darling, I’m not stone cold crazy! I’d tell the students to spread your wings and fly away. These are the days of our lives, after all.”

He paused as another thought occurred to him. “Nothing really matters, anyone can see. Nothing really matters to me.”

With the flick of the wrist and a flash of a smile, he was gone.

“What in the hell was that?” I muttered to myself.

Barry must have heard me.

“You know, Betty, I actually quite like him.”

I only hoped the others weren’t worse. We’d need a miracle to get through this.


This was written in response to Thain in Vain’s Week 32 prompt: A celebrity of your choice (alive or dead) applies for a job and gets an interview.




Filed under Flash Fiction 52 Challenge

27 responses to “Fit For A Queen

  1. Oh man, this was awesome! Really clever to fit those songs in there 😀

  2. Of all people, Freddy Mercury. Oh, I wanted him to sing to them and blow them away. That was cute. Well done, Heather. Lucy

  3. Hahaha, I loved it. Huge fan of Freddie and his talent. This was awesome!

    • Thanks, Mark! 🙂

      I’m a big Freddie fan too, the world lost a legend when he died.

      • You have no idea how often I have lamented his passing. Queen is still part of my daily playlists.

      • I’m a huge fan of Freddie and I tend to think that Brian May and Roger Taylor took some of the lustre off of their legend by keep flogging the Queen name. No one could ever replace Freddie so it astounds me as to why they even tried.

      • I could not agree more. Not that May and Taylor aren’t talented, but the name Queen should have gone with Freddie.

      • Exactly. May and Taylor are talented in their own right but I felt as if they used Freddie’s legend to squeeze a few more dollars out of the Queen cash cow and I think that’s wrong. It’s hardly like either of them are struggling for money, so why not start a different band if you still want to write and play music?

        At least the bass player got out with his dignity intact…. 🙂

  4. This was great!!! And the world would be a better place with music teachers like F. Mercury!! Great work!! TiV

  5. Pingback: Flash Fiction Challenge – Week 32 Submissions | Thain in Vain

  6. I counted 16! Stone Cold Crazy has to be my favorite Queen song.

  7. Heather, I could have sworn I commented on this, but I must have dreamed doing so. This was a great take on the prompt. I enjoyed it tremendously.

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