All’s Fair in Love and War

Fighting had always made Barbie horny.

She and her band of merry Mattel World freedom fighters had defeated the Toy Patrol, forcing them back to the boring and plain toy box that they’d come from.

Somewhere along the way, that idiot Ken had gone missing. He’d run headlong into the skirmish without a second thought to his safety, his stiff hair not moving even a fraction as he ran awkwardly with straight legs into the smoky melee up ahead.

That had been the last she’d seen of him. What if her Ken had died, sacrificing himself for the woman he loved?

He was gorgeous, more than any woman could hope for, yet he was such a boring pain in the ass!

But he didn’t deserve to die.

She heard footsteps to her right, glancing up to see GI Joe, man of action, lower himself down to the ground next to her, his rifle strapped to one shoulder and an ammo belt across his chest.

“How you holding up?” Joe asked, brushing dried mud and melted plastic from his combat pants.

Even after fighting for her life, Barbie still looked as beautiful as the day she was made. Not a hair out of place, her appearance was perfect. “We won, didn’t we?” she asked, turning her head awkwardly to look at Joe.

“Sure did, babe.”

“Ken…..I think he died.”

Joe lifted a muscled arm, pulling her closer to his solid chest. She found herself intoxicated by the heady combination of plastic, gunpowder and a scent she couldn’t quite put her clumpy fingers on.

Ken wouldn’t mind, he was dead after all.

Maybe it had been the adrenaline coursing through her at the time, but she jumped on Joe as if he were the last toy on the planet.

Each of them tore at the Velcro fastenings on the other’s clothes until they were completely naked – in all their pre-formed glory.

“Barbie….you look – “ Joe began, only to be silenced by Barbie’s hand on his lips.

“Kiss me, Joe.”

And he did just that, pressing his large forehead and chin against her plasticky face, arms and legs moving awkwardly as Joe climbed on top of her. She wasn’t sure if it was Joe’s rifle she could feel, or some other appendage of his….

As their ardour cooled, Barbie felt ashamed for forgetting Ken so easily. Maybe her next incarnation would be ‘Street Hooker Barbie’ with removable panties and spreadable legs….

“Babe,” Joe began, his voice husky in the afterglow of their lovemaking. “You were – “

He didn’t have time to finish the sentence before Barbie heard him yelp. Looking up to find a bedraggled Ken hauling Joe further from her reach, one arm missing and a leg that looked wonky.

She screamed as Ken pulled at Joe’s head with all his might until it came away from his body with a resounding ‘pop’.

Barbie gasped in shock.

Maybe Ken did have some balls after all.


Written in response to Thain in Vain’s Week 42 prompt: Continue any other author’s story already posted to #FFC52 over the past 41 weeks. My story is a shameful attempt to write a continuation to the wonderful ‘Toy Patrol’ by Kate Loveton and was inspired by the musing of whether Ken had any ‘workable parts’ in his….erm….crotch area…. Please check Kate’s wonderful blog out if you haven’t already!








Filed under Flash Fiction 52 Challenge, Starting out

32 responses to “All’s Fair in Love and War

  1. Wow. So imaginative! I love it!

  2. Hi Heather, I’m so honored that you chose one of my stories to write a sequel to for ThainInVain’s challenge this week. I have to admit, it was one of my favorites among the stories I’ve written, and you’ve done a masterful job of continuing the story in a very funny manner! Well done! There were a lot of really funny lines in this, and I’m grinning from ear to ear. 😀 (‘Street Hooker Barbie’ makes me laugh!)

    • Thanks Kate! ❤

      It was my great pleasure (and Barbie's as well, it would seem…) to write a continuation of one of your pieces and I am so glad that you liked my effort.

      Honestly, any excuse to write a humorous piece is enough for me. Apologies for shamelessly turning Barbie into a street hooker with spreadable legs, but if was too good an opportunity to resist!

      And at least we know that Ken does actually have some balls, even if they are metaphorical ones…. 🙂

  3. OK, Heather and Kate both, I must relate the final line of some stale old Barbie and Ken joke I heard somewhere in the dark past of my youth. Somehow John Belushi saying it on ‘Saturday Night Live’ is stuck in my head.

    “Their marriage was a failure ’cause they had not genitalia.”

    Yup. Blame the ’70s.

    • LOL! 🙂

      I love that line, Mark!

      Honestly, you’d think Kate and I would have far more important things to discuss than Ken’s lack of……functioning parts, but alas, no… 🙂

      I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  4. This was great! The closing line is my favorite 🙂

  5. You had me at “‘Street Hooker Barbie’ with removable panties and spreadable legs….!” This is awesome, Heather. A perfect continuation from Kate’s original story! Fabulously funny! Thanks for making my day! TiV

    • You’re very welcome! 🙂

      My last submission to the series was a sweet tale of love, but you didn’t expect me to keep that up for long, did you?

      Back to my smutty roots this week! 🙂

  6. Ha! Great idea for a short story. I love the closing line.

  7. Pingback: Flash Fiction Challenge – Week 42 Submissions | Thain in Vain

  8. This is amazing! What a good idea! So so funny!

  9. That was one of the funniest things I’ve read! Great work. 🙂

  10. Reblogged this on Odyssey of a Novice Writer and commented:

    Here’s a funny story for your enjoyment! Heather B. Costa, of ‘Trials of a Wanna-be-Published Writer, wrote a funny sequel to a story I’d published weeks ago called ‘Toy Patrol.’ Here’s her take – I think you’ll find it very funny!

  11. Heather, that was hilarious. I laughed the whole way through!

  12. OMG, Kate, what an imaginative story! I must say I have mentally toyed with a Ken and Barbie interaction, mainly because of their stereotypical looks. You created something far better than I could! A good chuckle for a Friday.

  13. Never make the acquaintance of Barbie’s and Ken’s crowd. I heard they liked to party and just about everyone thought Ken was handsome but a dud.

    These stories are hilarious and I enjoy the imaginative new lives they live.
    😀 😀 😀

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