Thoughts for Friday – 14th November 2014

News_No

It’s only a simple, two-letter word, so how come it’s so hard to say?

For whatever reason, I have found myself getting stuck in the habit of being a people pleaser and agreeing to things that I don’t actually want to do for the sake of not rocking the boat.

Some people might say that just makes me a decent person, someone who puts the needs and wants of others ahead of their own. Doing that is all well and good until it grinds you down and makes you ill. This is something that I’ve found out recently and, despite numerous people trying to drum it in to me before now, I’ve only recently been taking on board what they’ve been telling me for ages now.

Whether it is my personal or professional life, I have found that agreeing to the demands of everyone around me actually does more harm than good. At the end of the day, saying no to something isn’t the end of the world, so why do the people you turn down act like it is?

Perhaps people become accustomed to you saying yes all the time that it comes as quite a shock when you finally say no. I suppose that’s when all the snarky comments come out about how you’ve got an attitude, or how you’re being selfish etc.

by-saying-yes-when-you-need-to-say-no-you-2Saying no doesn’t mean that you have an attitude or that you’re being selfish, it just means that you’re doing what is right for you and not necessarily what is most convenient for the people around you. Maybe we have lulled those people around us into a false sense of security and our new found assertiveness might rub them up the wrong way for a while.

They’ll get over it….eventually.

There are times when we all have very good reasons for saying no and it shouldn’t be something that we’re afraid of saying to the people around us. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply makes you a person who realises that there needs to be more to life than running yourself into the ground for the sake of others. What would happen if you burnt out and were no use to anyone? Those people would still find a way of getting their needs met without you.

So if you feel like saying no to someone, do it. It might seem like a foreign word to you, but you’ll find that, the more you say it, the easier it becomes. It’s a simple word: two letters, one syllable and it’s not as dirty a word as you might think.

Go on, say it. I dare you!

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23 Comments

Filed under Starting out, Thoughts for Friday

23 responses to “Thoughts for Friday – 14th November 2014

  1. No. There, I said it. Or did I, by acceding to your request to say ‘no’, actually say ‘yes’?
    Seriously; you are absolutely right in what you say. I like to say yes to most requests, unless there is a good reason to say no. And I remain the final arbiter of what is, for me, a good reason.

    • I totally agree, Keith.

      The only trouble is that I allowed other people to judge what was a reasonable request when something was asked of me. I’ve been working to take a little more control over that aspect and trying not to feel bad when I decline to do something for another person.

      Even though it’s hard, sometimes saying ‘no’ is the best thing we can do, not only for ourselves, but those around us too.

  2. What a wonderful post! So honest and so true! I loved it!

  3. It’s fine for you to say NO to all people – except me. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    Seriously, I’m glad you wrote this post and that you’ve taken this on board. I wouldn’t call you a ‘people pleaser’ as much as I would say you’re a kind person who always wants to help out when she can. But sometimes you just can’t. That’s when the graceful no is required.

    • LOL, I need to working on my graceful ‘no’s’! πŸ™‚

      And I would never, EVER say no to you, Kate! ❀

      Unless you were asking me to commit some sort of felony or something…. πŸ˜†

  4. Good job, Heather B. And good luck, too. πŸ™‚ Kate, I like your descriptive “graceful no.”

  5. Pingback: Posts I loved this week. | Taylor Grace

  6. What? I could say NO? Who knew? Honestly, I struggle with this, I think in part that I want people to think I’m swell. I have to keep reminding myself that’s MY job. Great post, thanks.

    • Exactly!

      We all want people to like us (it’s part of the human condition, after all) and that makes us feel as if we should say yes to everything, even when it’s not the best thing for us.

      And you definitely are swell! πŸ™‚

  7. Well said, Heather. I’m learning to say no too πŸ™‚

  8. Oh yes, the people-pleasing syndrome. I think we’re all guilty of not saying ‘no’ when we should, at one time or another in our lives. I don’t like conflict, and I don’t want to upset anybody, so it can be difficult to say no. I guess it really depends on the situation and on who it is that is asking something of me. I don’t have any problem saying ‘no’ to people when they want me to teach them English. It takes a lot of time and effort to prepare classes and all, and people don’t really realize that. They think that it should be super easy because it’s my mother-tongue. I always end up giving excuses thought. Maybe that’s why I don’t have difficulty saying ‘no’ then. Because I can always give the excuse that I’m too busy, or that I will only teach if there are a limited amount of people for conversational practice.
    Anyhoooooowwwwww, that’s my two cents. I’m glad you’re starting to say ‘no’. You’ve got to take care of yourself too, my friend. I love that quote by Nea Joy.
    πŸ™‚

    • I think it is part of the human condition that we all want to be liked by those around us and we’ve gotten stuck in a mindset that by saying yes to others all the time that it will make them like us. While people might pay lip service to your face, will they really respect and admire you if you do as others ask all the time?

      Obviously, I mean ‘you’ in the general sense, not you personally, Staci! πŸ™‚

      Maybe if more people said ‘no’ more often, it wouldn’t be such a taboo word….

      Thanks for commenting, Staci! ❀

      • I agree. However, there are some people that really couldn’t give a crap and have no problems saying no at all. Usually they have very strong choleric temperaments though.
        Hehehe, I know you are saying this in the general sense, and that it’s not directed to me personally. You’re so cute Heather.
        Maybe. And maybe if more people said ‘fart’ more often, it wouldn’t be so taboo either. πŸ™‚
        Can you tell I’m in a silly mood right now?
        Blessings Heather.
        πŸ™‚

      • I’m loving your silly mood, Staci! πŸ™‚

        Yes, there are people out there who have such an inflated opinion of themselves that they just don’t care who they upset, but I would like to think that most people would feel bad about saying ‘no’ to someone.

        I think we should start some sort of movement promoting the use of the word ‘fart’, what do you think? πŸ™‚

      • Hahahahaha. Ya, let’s do it. I wonder if we will get good and favorable reception of it.
        πŸ™‚

      • Well, as long as we don’t actually fart to make our point, I’m sure most people will be receptive to it! πŸ™‚

      • Lol. Oh no, let’s not fart now. That would just not be cool at all. We definitely want people to be receptive.
        πŸ™‚

      • I’m glad that we’re on the same wavelength! πŸ™‚

  9. What a lovely post, heather. I love your honesty and vulnerability here. It’s so refreshing and reassuring to read posts written by people who are not afraid to show real, unmasked emmotions here on WordPress. Thank you for your lesson in humanity today.

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