Thoughts for Friday – 22nd August 2014

Life has moved so fast for me these past few months that I’ve had little time to really take stock of where I am in my life. Luckily for me, I had the fortune of taking a seven day break from work the week before last, which gave me plenty of time to sit back and smell the roses…..

Granted, there’s not always been a lot of roses to smell in the past few months, but there have been numerous positive changes in my day to day life. I’ve moved into my own place, found my freedom, got promoted at work and made plans for a vacation abroad next summer – all things that I hadn’t seen myself doing this time last year.

Freed of the obligations toward other people, I have been able to concentrate on my own life for once. Given the room to breathe and think at my own pace, I’ve come to realise a lot about myself and where I see my future heading. Before I moved out I had little or no idea who or what I was and this was reflected in my appearance and demeanor.

Even members of my family have commented on how much I have changed in just the last four months. I now take better care of myself in regard to getting the right amount of exercise, eating healthily and generally taking care of the way I look. I find myself banishing the loose-fitting clothes that I used to wear and exchanging them for things that actually suit my figure. I’ve also begun wearing my hair down and experimenting with small amounts of make-up.

I’m slowly finding my own style and what I feel comfortable in and it has already made a noticeable difference in how I interact with others and how they engage with me. Although my self-confidence is still shaky, I find myself feeling more comfortable in social situations than I ever have before and this in turn is perhaps making me appear more approachable to other people.

Although I am in no rush, I also find myself looking at men as possible suitors when I am out and about in the community. For such a long time, having a relationship with anyone was the furthest thing from my mind, but now I find myself keen to find someone whose company I enjoy and can spend quality time with.

I want these things because I feel that I deserve as much as anyone else to find happiness, whether that is on my own or with another person. I probably won’t get it right first time when it comes to finding a partner, but at least I’ll have an idea of what it is that I want from a relationship.

The last section of the above quote is the thing that really struck me – how I find that things upset me much less now than they did before. Maybe some people would say that I used to be a very frustrated person and liable to snap at someone with little or no provocation. Whether that is true is a matter of personal opinion of the people who know me best, but I can understand how they would think such a thing considering how depressed, frustrated and angry I’d become at my own life.

Instead of being seen as grumpy and unapproachable, I have had many people close to me say that I now seem to take most issues in my stride and seem much more content when it comes to life in general. I guess they’re right, I am happier and more content than I have been for many years and while there will always be bumps in the road, I would like to think that I am better placed emotionally to be able to deal with them now and in the future.